Confessions of a Ginger

A day in the life of a ginger


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The art of doing nothing

Nothing Pooj

I definitely agree with pooh on this one (i mean why not!? he’s an agreeable type of guy!). The concept behind procrastination is essentially a modern phenomenon that has taken the 21st century by storm. Procrastination is my favourite (or atleast most common!) thing to do, I often find myself going out of my way to actively avoid the task at hand, however, I am even beginning to concern myself!

For those who know me personally, know that I don’t do the whole boredom thing very well, when bored I become nothing but a nuisance. Saying that, my free time just recently has been as far from productive as you can possibly get.

NothingVen

This Venn Diagram is the story of my life. I find myself whiling away the hours by simply doing nothing. When I say nothing, I would like to stress that I actually mean nothing. I have been meaning (and so desperately wanting to) to binge watch the new series of Orange Is the New Black since it graced Netflix with its presence over a month ago, yet still have not ‘got round to it’.

“So why don’t you!?” I hear you ask…

Admittedly when I am not working, I am sleeping, however, that does not excuse the many hours I can also count where I have simply watched the goldfish (or something to that mundane effect!)

talent doing nothing

I have come to the conclusion that is a talent like no other, I mean, how can I day at work go by so slowly, when sitting alone in silence can make the day rush by!? I promise you I am not a boring person, I just somehow manage to waste time in the least exciting and productive way possible!

Come September I will be thrown into the crazy world that is education and teaching and will have limited ‘me time’. I am therefore desperately trying to make my free time a little less dull and start ticking off that increasingly long list of things I want to do, yet never get round too! That includes getting this thing in check… a track record that is, to date, not very successful!

So bare with me, as I try to withdraw myself from watching the goldfish (which, by the way is seriously addictive!) and keep your eyes peeled for bucket lists, progress checks, and (hopefully) more regular and exciting life inserts!

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When life gives you lemons…

I may have gone awol from the blogging world, but (I hope!) I am back, at least trying to be a  little bit more consistent than before!

I have a post in the pipe line about being on the other side of my degree, however, after watching surprise surprise tonight, I decided that I wanted my first comeback post to be about a person who I completely idolize and adore! I’m not sure whether you can call it an appreciation post or a gratitude post, but it is a post all the same! A post that definitely protects my life more than if I dragged her on national TV to express this!

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My best friend,

A girl who has the heart and strength (and sarcasm) large enough to consume the world. Words cannot express how proud of her I am, over the last 18 months we have embarked on a roller coaster ride that has seen euphoric highs and incredible, world crashing lows. Without the need to go into details, the strength that this girl has found and used to get her through the very darkest of her days, is something that I watch on with complete pride and complete admiration.

Without doubt, watching her fall apart in front of me, and feeling utterly powerless, is the most soul destroying thing I have ever had to watch. Every day, I woke up wishing that I could take her place, to take the pain away and stop her suffering. If there is one thing that I have learnt in my 21 years of life on this warped earth, is that good people get hurt, truly good people suffer, whilst scum run free. However, when you hit rock bottom, then there really is only one direction left to go – and that’s up! And my god has this girl risen from the fire into the beautiful, funny and strong woman that had once been buried in the aftermath of hell.

She is the person that I admire the most, she is the person that I look up to most, she is the most important person in my life. I thank my lucky stars every day that our paths crossed and that I was lucky enough to get to know her. She has proven, that no matter what life throws at you, you can come out stronger and better than ever!

I think it takes someone very special to be able to come through what she has, and I can only hope, that as much as possible, I was there as much as I tried to be. It is a credit to us and a credit to how close we are that, together we remained as close as we have (and always will!). If I could be half the person, teacher, friend that she is, I will live a very content life.

She has the ability to make me cry with laughter one minute and to be content in silence the next. I could not wish for a better person to have in my life. I owe her everything!

(I can only imagine the vom faces she will be making…..right about……. now! (LOVE YA!)

And most importantly,  she has taught me the very best lesson in life: When life give you lemons: Make it into the most ass-kicking cocktail you have ever seen – with a large dose of payback, and of course, tequila!


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Thanks Giving – or should it be giving thanks

Despite being British and not American, this article about thanks giving, for that moment made me stop and put everything into perspective.

http://elitedaily.com/life/thanksgiving-giving-thanks-dedication-friends-new-old/860502/

Especially this little bit of pure written gold:

“The ability to call individuals “true friends” is one of life’s most prized possessions. That feeling multiplied dozens of times over is a rare blessing. Friends come in many forms and arrive at all different points in our lives, usually when we least expect it.

The ones we consider “best” play similar roles to our closest family members. We confide secrets, share dreams, dampen shoulders and trust these people with large parts of our well-beings. They teach us to be kind and offer necessary daily doses of reality.”

2014 hasn’t been without its fair share of heartache, despite the tears, the arguments and the crossed views, the family unit that remains, remains as strong as ever. It never really went away, it was just a broken family, with all hurt people, trying to do ‘what was for the best’. Yes this may not have always been a united decision, but it is a decision in which we stay united despite everything that has happened.

However, it is easy to be positive in the outlook on what has been one of the worst years of my life, when it is pretty much over, or should I say the worst of the storm has passed.  However I know for a fact I would not be standing on the other side of this without a small amount of select people/person. They and she knows exactly who they are.

richness

That true friendship, that quite honestly I can’t describe the feeling, is the strength that has kept me standing and smiling when there really was very few reasons to. You are truly lucky if you have that truest form of friendship! And the paragraph above couldn’t have put it any better.

Wishing everyone happy memories to be thankful for


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21 Reflections

As I fastly approach my 21st birthday, I find myself on the cusp of complete change, I find myself reflecting on …. well everything!

MY LIFE IN 21 REFLECTIONS

1) I find myself scared: Today I filled out post graduate applications – applications to finally do exactly what I have always wanted to do… teach. But instead of the excitement of reaching another huge milestone in my life, I find myself terrified, terrified that this is the start to the rest of my life, and if I’m honest I feel completely directionless.  I have always hated change but this has reached a whole new level, it is now my life, of which I have complete control over… and for some reason I hate it!  I am constantly evaluating whether I am making the right decision, and coming no closer to certainty.

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2) I find myself thankful:  Despite me and change not have the best of relationships, it has always worked out for the best. I have always been one to only have a few close friends and not hundreds of associates. Since coming to university I have completed my list of friends in the best way I possibly can – I have never been happier for having such amazing people around me – yes it may not be many but they are worth everything! Words can not to justice how much a certain few mean to me, it is the most intense feeling of happiness that I have ever felt, and I am so thankful to have them in my life.

Reflection 2

3) I find myself upset:  Today we had a house viewing, today that meant that this little home that I have become quite attached to is no longer going to be ours, in 9 months we are embracing change all over again. It just somehow feels like an end of the era. Throughout school I had always had the life ambition to get a degree… but now what? I hadn’t though past that point! This is where the lack of direction comes in, I know I want to be a teacher and for now that is my next mission… but it all just seems to lack that something. I just don’t know what it is yet

4) I find myself excited: Words cannot explain how excited I am for graduation, it marks the achievement that I didn’t think I could ever reach… but now with less than 6 months to go it is becoming a reality. To make my family proud is the ultimate, I’ve achieved something, that at many  points I didn’t think I could do! and at honest even know I have doubts whether I can jump that final hurdle

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5) I find myself let down: Ultimately the biggest bomb shell of recent years has been my dad leaving, and choosing another woman over us. Graduation was meant to be the four of us together. Instead, it will be just the three of us – my dad won’t be there. This hurts too much, the fact that I won’t be able to run into my dads arms shouting “I did it!”  hurts too much for words. I want him there more than anything, but he made that not possible, he took that moment away from me, a moment, and my life with him in it away from me. He took away everything that was most important in my life, and left an empty shell in its place. I don’t think I will ever fell wholly complete.

6) I feel proud of myself:  The last  few years have been anything but easy, but, on the whole I have been stronger than I thought it was ever possible for me to be. I’ve grown up into someone who is realistic but still has dreams. I could have crumbled, don’t get me wrong I had my moments, but I didn’t fall apart. I refuse for my dad of all people, to ruin any more of my life than he already has done!

7) I feel incomplete: This is an odd feeling, something that I rarely experience. I am ferociously independent and have never and will never need a man to define me. My dad has set that in stone as much as possible. But I feel as if my life is missing a piece – I would love nothing more to fall hopelessly in love  (just like in the movies) but we all know that it doesn’t happen like that in reality. Just to have someone to love me for who I am, who wants to take care of me and will never leave my side. I’m not saying I need this to be happy, it would just be nice!

8) I feel like an adult: Okay this one isn’t strictly true, I feel anything but like an adult but I realised how self sufficient I really am, and how much I have grown as a person since starting university . I may have to grow up but I will forever have that inner child in me where I can watch Disney movies and take up every opportunity for me to go on a playground!  Why else do you think I want to be a primary teacher!? 😉

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9) I feel lucky: I have been incredibly fortunate to have been offered some wonderful opportunities. Working with children that don’t have that has really made me appreciate what I have. I hope that I can continue to add to those opportunities, life really is for living and I think amongst all the stress I need to remember that!

10) I feel stressed: Pretty much my current state of emotion 99% of the time. I have so much to do (and yet I find myself writing this blog post!) in so little time. I’m really not someone who thrives of pressure and my to do list is just ridiculous! I just keep telling myself it will all be worth it ! Well it better bloody be!

11) I feel loved: I might not have had the best hand when it comes to family members but when push comes to shove I have my mum, my sister and my nan and grandad. Okay, like many family members to they irritate me something chronic at times, but I love them all so much! We have all been through a pretty horrendous few years and there is nothing that I want more to see my mum happy, she deserves the world and more. She has brought me and my sister up, pretty much single-handedly and I don’t appreciate her enough, I wouldn’t be where I am today without the sacrifices she has made. It is her time now, to live her life exactly how she wants it!

Reflection 11

12) I feel angry: When times are tough you really learn who mattered and who never did. I am astounded at my dads side of the family, they have behaved so awfully that I really am ashamed. My dad caused the mess that we all find ourselves in, no one else but him! It is therefore not our fault that we made decisions that you may not like … because we didn’t want any of this… but unlike dad we didn’t get a choice. Don’t punish us for something that wasn’t our fault!

13) I feel defeated:  The more work that gets piled on the more I think that’s it I can’t fight it anymore. Like this essay I am most definitely not avoiding by writing this post. It is always momentary defeat, I would never give up, it is far too important but still can’t help but feel a little bit deflated!

14) I feel tired: I am exhausted, just thinking about what I have to do tires me out! The actual feat of doing it makes me want to hibernate for a very very long time!

15) I feel accomplished: It only really struck me today, when about to shake up my quite content little life again, of how much of an achievement coming to uni was. Hardly any of my friends were going the year I was and I was moving 2 hours away, to somewhere where I didn’t know a sole. I created a new life from scratch all by myself, I can’t say I didn’t struggle at times. But it was genuinely the best plunge I have ever made!

16) I feel less intelligent than when I came to uni:  I am sure I was more intelligent two years ago, studying was never THIS hard! A degree is no easy feat! and I know it will take every ounce of me to make this, to make this work and to make this worth while.

17) I feel poor: £9000 a year is making my noose worth of debt a very scary figure! It is getting a bit ridiculous! But I know that I would spend that and more to have the experience that I have been so very lucky to have!

Reflection 15

18) I feel rich: I may not have a lot, but I am richer than people like my dad will ever be! I have some quite honestly amazing friends, and some incredibly supportive family! I don’t need things to be rich, I have all I need!

19) I feel wise:  I got bullied terribly at school, I hated many a teenage year! But now, now I have come out the otherside, and through social media I can track the lives of said bullies, and seen what they have become – non achievers, scrounging off benefits, with multiple children or high off drugs. Me? The ginger nothing that should kill herself, is just about to earn herself a degree! TAKE THAT

20) I feel excited: I am about to embark on a whole new chapter of my life, and yes I am completely terrified! but I know that this is where my life really starts

21) I FEEL OLD:  How did 21 years pass with me barely noticing!?

So there it is, my 21 reflections! 21 years worth of laughter, heartbreak and tears. 21 years of  my life. 21 years of me!


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Life lessons

http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/the-14-life-lessons-only-your-best-friends-can-teach-you/

Never have I read article so eye openly true as this one. I really can’t justify this post by my own blogging attempt, so I would strongly recommend you to read this article! All credit goes to the author of such a astontishingly

I will however try and summarise what I consider the most important lessons that only they can teach you:

  • “They’ll be there beside you in your hardest moments, even when you tell them you don’t want them. They’ll come. From now until forever” Nothing is more true than this, from the very bottom of my heart this will always be a promise. From now until forever

  • “Like a portable security blanket you’ll always have someone to go everywhere with and someone to stand next to you as you take on life’s biggest hurdles”. Before I stress how true this is, I need to get the image of myself as a blanket out of my head just too funny! (Maybe this should be the inspiration for her next Christmas present!). In total seriousness we face life’s rollercoaster together, and never ever alone!

 

rug

Not sure this is quite the reminder that she needs to know I am right there by her side!

  • “Your girls are the ones who would bring swords to a bitch fight, the ones who would bring hell andhigh water to the table in your defense”. Just a sword!? I’d bring the whole kit! I would get myself into a whole lot of trouble if  I didn’t restrain myself from unleashing my capabilities, if someone hurts her! Many a time people have had a lucky escape, and not experienced my full wrath.

  • “They know what you’re capable of. So even if you can’t see it yourself, they can. And they’ll push you to be that person.”  Sometimes your bestfriend knows you better than yourself, in my case they are just a better version of me. They know when to turn the mirror around, to show them just how very special they are!

  • “But your best friends will teach you it’s okay to collapse into their arms and give way to your tears.” I pride myself on being strong for others, and often stifle back the tears, but my best friend has had the unfortunate privilege to see my ugly crying face, where  I feel totally comfortable to show my weakness to her- and to realise that it isn’t in fact a weakness.

  • “They push you to the verge of peeing and then hilariously send you over the edge.” I cannot even begin to document the times we have been in utter utter hysterics. The best times in life is when we laugh together… usually at each other!
  • mad

 


  • “Those who have held your hand as you said your final goodbyes to a loved one, laughed hysterically with you while pining through old photo albums, wiped away your tears when you lost your job and rubbed your back for months while you moped about that awful breakup, they’re the ones you’ll want standing up beside you when it counts.” The ones who have lived life with you are the only ones that you want by your side when it matters, and the beauty of it is, is that even when you don’t want them there ( even though you secretly do) they are there for you, even if at that moment in time they don’t let you in.

  • “Your girls will teach you that there’s nothing a little spending can’t fix”  This is something I am so so so guilty of. But a shopping spree, atleast temporarily eases whatever pain is experienced. Until the pain of crashing through the overdraft in your bank hurts more than the issue in the first place!!

retail therapy

 


  • “You give them the keys to what hurts you and what’s most important to you and you trust them blindly, knowing they won’t hurt you with it.” I know what betrayl feels like, and it dented my trust, it dented my trust to the point I don’t willingly trust anyone. However, I am lucky enough to know what it feels like to trust someone with your life. I trust my bestie with everything and anything, and that alone is a really comforting part of my life


  • “They love you just the way you are – and have always loved you the way you’ve been.” I would never, ever change her for who she is, ever! She is, as I have said before, a better version of myself, and I am so unbelievably lucky to have her in my life.

 

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