Confessions of a Ginger

A day in the life of a ginger


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My Bucket List

I come from a town that, although stunningly beautiful, surrounded by pictureque country side and fresh spring hills, is also a town that has more retirement homes than houses and is in its own right sleepy hollow. Don’t get me wrong, it is and was a great place to mould a childhood, but does it make me a bad person to say that I want more?

Malvern Hills

Moving to university opened my eyes to what more there is out there , there is so much more out there to see, do, experience than the fields off my doorstep. When I moved away, I changed, I grew into myself, and without going all hippifed on you all… I discovered myself. I found people, and learnt things that completed my puzzle. I will be eternally grateful for the opportunities I was given in my childhood, but moving away,combined with my dad walking out on me –  made me realise that I want to live my life in the way I want and to grab every opportunity that crosses my path.

There are a lot of things that I want to experience in my life, which Is why I have created this bucket list, it will become my life long goal to complete this list before I go from this warped reality!

bucketList

  1. Sky Dive – To be able to literally feel the wind beneath me, without constraints and feeling completely free.

  2. Go on Safari – This has been something I have wanted to do, and something that following every West Midlands Safari trip, was rabbited on about for days (my poor mother).

  3. Swim with dolphins – My mum’s own fear of water, drove her to ensure that myself and my sister became water babies and did not develop a fear of water similar to her own. Well she achieved just that – and swimming with dolphins combines my love for water and all things animals!

  4. Scuba diving– this is something I have recently fulfilled, and It did not disappoint! Diving in the Red Sea in Egypt was incredible. Down on the sea bed it was as if I was submerged in a whole new life full of colour and community. There were fish that I could not have imagined better.

  5. Visit Canada – A family friend lives in Canada, and some of the views that she captures so perfectly through a lense are views that I want my eyes to see first hand!

  6. Volunteer in an Orangutan Sanctuary – now now, I know what you’re thinking… why would you want to go and sit in a forest clearing and hug a monkey … well for just that reason! How amazing does that sound… removed from reality with the closest things to human species.

  7. Own a dog – I have, for as long as I can possibly remember, pleaded for a dog – never to any success! So I made it my goal in life to own one when I can. Although, I am slightly concerned that my choice of career will make that increasingly difficult!

  8. Own a Goat – Much to my bestie’s disbelief, I am desperate for a pygme goat! Imagine – a little pen with a Wendy house stable and a little goat skipping around!

  9. Visit Disney World Florida – Hopefully, within the next few years I will be able to cross this one off, Florida with my best friend and experiencing that Disney magic!

  10. Graduate –   Charlotte Davis BSc Psychology (hons). The hardest yet best thing I have ever done!

  11. Become a teacher – This has been the ultimate career goal, come September I am about to embark on this final leg of my education. I am in the  most privileged position, to be surrounded by some of the best teachers I know, making this crazy experience a ride to remember.

There are a lot of things in this world that are beyond my control, and even though I know (or atleast hope!) that there will be euphoric highs, ultimately, there will be world crashing lows. I just hope that I can live a life that I am content with, surrounded my people who I love and create the very best life for myself that I can.

What is on top of your bucket list and why ? 

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The art of doing nothing

Nothing Pooj

I definitely agree with pooh on this one (i mean why not!? he’s an agreeable type of guy!). The concept behind procrastination is essentially a modern phenomenon that has taken the 21st century by storm. Procrastination is my favourite (or atleast most common!) thing to do, I often find myself going out of my way to actively avoid the task at hand, however, I am even beginning to concern myself!

For those who know me personally, know that I don’t do the whole boredom thing very well, when bored I become nothing but a nuisance. Saying that, my free time just recently has been as far from productive as you can possibly get.

NothingVen

This Venn Diagram is the story of my life. I find myself whiling away the hours by simply doing nothing. When I say nothing, I would like to stress that I actually mean nothing. I have been meaning (and so desperately wanting to) to binge watch the new series of Orange Is the New Black since it graced Netflix with its presence over a month ago, yet still have not ‘got round to it’.

“So why don’t you!?” I hear you ask…

Admittedly when I am not working, I am sleeping, however, that does not excuse the many hours I can also count where I have simply watched the goldfish (or something to that mundane effect!)

talent doing nothing

I have come to the conclusion that is a talent like no other, I mean, how can I day at work go by so slowly, when sitting alone in silence can make the day rush by!? I promise you I am not a boring person, I just somehow manage to waste time in the least exciting and productive way possible!

Come September I will be thrown into the crazy world that is education and teaching and will have limited ‘me time’. I am therefore desperately trying to make my free time a little less dull and start ticking off that increasingly long list of things I want to do, yet never get round too! That includes getting this thing in check… a track record that is, to date, not very successful!

So bare with me, as I try to withdraw myself from watching the goldfish (which, by the way is seriously addictive!) and keep your eyes peeled for bucket lists, progress checks, and (hopefully) more regular and exciting life inserts!


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Phobias

According to medical statistics needle phobia is a medical condition that affects up to 20-23% of adults- to the point where they would actively avoid medical care…

Now, as a psychologist and a complete needle phobe, I am fully aware of how phobias work and what goes on in my head when presented with the prospect of needles! I am aware it is completely irrational, and neither can I tell you what I am actually scared of, nor where I developed this phobia from… all I know is that it is something that has always resulted in me bawling like a baby in the surgery …. highly embarrassing!

I am also one of those annoying patients, that just does not have time for small talk.. I do not want to discuss what I am doing at the weekend, because I know exactly what you are trying to do, and the distraction just doesn’t work.. inevitably you are going to stab that sharp thing into my arm, regardless of whether I discuss my weekend plans with you!

I discuss this hideous topic, as tomorrow I am having to have my vaccinations to travel to Egypt… now this is controversial in itself… I have always had issues with vaccinations even if it directly related to my health, and I was never going to… ever, going to a country where I would have to have an injection … I simply didn’t see the point in putting myself through hell and back for a holiday… That was my 15 year old self mind set anyway… at 21, the thought of needing a injection for a holiday is no more appealing…. but my 21 years old self wants to see the world, to experience one in a life time opportunities, and I refuse to let myself miss out over a poxy needle! (ask me again tomorrow and I may have a completely different perspective!)

So, there we have it, tomorrow I shall probably be dragged kicking and screaming into the doctors surgery, apologize profusely to all involved, and cry for 20 minutes, where, if I actually just sucked it up, would probably take a grand total of 2 minutes …. Studying phobias makes this whole process utterly frustrating!

The day I have to have a blood test, will be one huge ordeal… and well the day I turn into a pregnant human pin cushion…. I will make sure my child knows what ordeal I went through! (I say I’m joking, but I’m not too sure)

Now I would put a nice illustration in here – but if I’m honest I can’t bring myself to google the word needle! Instead here is a snippit into my thought processes tomorrow!

  • Okay I can do this – you are 21 years old – man up!
  • I CAN’T DO THIS – I WANT MY MUM
  • Charlotte, get a grip! You’re embarrassing yourself
  • NO I DON’T WANNNAAAAAA!!!!
  • I’m really sorry for what you are about to witness! Really I am
  • Shut the hell up, distraction doesn’t work
  • Oh that wasn’t that bad…
  • No actually it was.. never make me go back again!

Hope to touch down soon! I know I haven’t been very present in the blogging world! Final Year of my undergraduate consumes most of the time I have!

Charlotte

From


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Signed, sealed and delivered – The Final Goodbye

Today, I wrote the letter to end all letters, a letter that will allow me to start a new chapter come 2015. If you are a regular follower of my blog, you will remember me writing an open letter to my dad, a letter that I never actually sent him.

Well this time I have written a letter and sent it to him – the final goodbye, the letter that will close my heart for the final time. I can’t say I didn’t cry my way through every word… and I can’t say that I am not filled with regret that this is the hand that I have been dealt… but I know I can’t carry all this emotion for very much longer, and 2015 marks the start of the rest of my life.

goodbye

Thank you for the Christmas money. However, if you so wish it can be your last. 
I know that this probably won’t mean much to you, but it is something, as we approach the new year that I feel I have to do.
Come January the 1st, I am embarking on the most important year of my life, the year that I have essentially been working towards for 17 years, and especially in the last 7. These past 2 years have genuinely been the worst two years of my life – that I know if I had to relive again, I wouldn’t be strong enough to make it. That being the reason, that I have to leave everything behind, going into a year that is going to push me to its limits as it is.
It’s time to properly let go of that heavy heart that has been with me since the day I said goodbye. I will forever be hurt by your decision, and I will resent that our family wasn’t good enough for you until the day that I die. I loved you with all my heart, until you broke it and it wasn’t able to love anymore. I’ve come to see that I have carried the guilt and the hurt for why we all weren’t good enough, but not anymore, that’s your hurt not mine – and I should not hold any guilt for you.
My 21st birthday card from mum had a 7 page ‘story of my life’ enclosed within it , yours not distinguishable from any other year, I would have thought you would have understood that words would mean far more than money.
I can’t say that you not being at my graduation was something that I ever envisaged, the opposite in fact, but I guess we all have to live with the actions of others.
2015 I am going to live for me and say goodbye to the memories and the pain that my early adulthood has bought me. I never thought I would live my life without my Dad, but life never does turn out the way that you want it to – I’ve learnt that the hard way!
I really hope Life number 2 was worth giving up Life number 1 – and that whatever we didn’t do, is fulfilled – please do let me know what it was, so that I don’t make the same mistake again!
I guess that’s all that I wanted to say – it’s what I wanted to do to lock the door and open another – one that I hope doesn’t lead to the pain that this one has.
Goodbye, Charlotte


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The 3pm Hangover

After an hours worth of deliberation, me and the bestie decided to go on a spontaneous trip to a cocktail bar in town, I mean it was a Saturday night, and it was a very rare occasion, in the fact that we both were actually up for going out!

It was cold, and it wasn’t happy (appy) hour, but after much deliberation and decision passing, we decided we may as well go out for an hour, what was there to lose!?

Wellllll…. that hour turned into 5, as I crawled into bed at about 3.30am! This an unheard of event for both of us, who both like our beds far too much to venture into the night!

I can honestly say though it was just what I needed! We went to a over 21 bar, something I have been waiting a year for to go! (This place has a good track record for messy nights!) and it did not disappoint – the atmosphere is amazing, and the bar staff are just too good! From ice throwing, to playing drums on the lights, it was just the perfect atmosphere.

We drank varying combinations of cocktails – one being essentially pure tequila and a drop of passion fruit syrup, that we washed down quite nicely with a lush shot, which I think consisted of  baileys and butterscotch vodka.

Cocktails

The highlights of the night I think being, my bestie aquiring a flashing light Christmas jumper for the latter part of the night, and my shoe being taken by a random dude (who I am sure was the owner of the flashing jumper!) saying it would be like a Cinderella moment, and he would hunt me down in the morning…. for the shoe to fit!

It wasn’t quite the romantic moment that it sounded, as I spotted it under the table and dived (rather elegantly ….. )under the table to retrieve it!

It was just a pretty fab night, that we are trying to make a monthly occasion, much to my pleasure and my banks displeasure!

However….. here comes the dreaded next day 3pm hangover, it doesn’t matter how fresh I feel upon waking up, 3pm comes along and I feel as rough as anything! This particular occasion, coming with the added dread of trying to write a final year psych essay… which only adds to the pain.
Upon, feeling my own pain, I receive a snapchat from the bestie, showing paracetamol and a selection of her favourite food, I can only imagine trying to ease the same 3pm hangover!

How was your Saturday night? Did you do anything out of the ordinary


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Thanks Giving – or should it be giving thanks

Despite being British and not American, this article about thanks giving, for that moment made me stop and put everything into perspective.

http://elitedaily.com/life/thanksgiving-giving-thanks-dedication-friends-new-old/860502/

Especially this little bit of pure written gold:

“The ability to call individuals “true friends” is one of life’s most prized possessions. That feeling multiplied dozens of times over is a rare blessing. Friends come in many forms and arrive at all different points in our lives, usually when we least expect it.

The ones we consider “best” play similar roles to our closest family members. We confide secrets, share dreams, dampen shoulders and trust these people with large parts of our well-beings. They teach us to be kind and offer necessary daily doses of reality.”

2014 hasn’t been without its fair share of heartache, despite the tears, the arguments and the crossed views, the family unit that remains, remains as strong as ever. It never really went away, it was just a broken family, with all hurt people, trying to do ‘what was for the best’. Yes this may not have always been a united decision, but it is a decision in which we stay united despite everything that has happened.

However, it is easy to be positive in the outlook on what has been one of the worst years of my life, when it is pretty much over, or should I say the worst of the storm has passed.  However I know for a fact I would not be standing on the other side of this without a small amount of select people/person. They and she knows exactly who they are.

richness

That true friendship, that quite honestly I can’t describe the feeling, is the strength that has kept me standing and smiling when there really was very few reasons to. You are truly lucky if you have that truest form of friendship! And the paragraph above couldn’t have put it any better.

Wishing everyone happy memories to be thankful for


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Tomorrow

tomorrow

Tomorrow it’s over.

Tomorrow it’s D-Day.

Tomorrow my mum and dad will face each other for the final time.

Tomorrow is the final time my mum has to face court.

Tomorrow it is over.

Tomorrow my Dad can be out of our lives for good.

Tomorrow is frightening.

Tomorrow we face the rest of our lives.

Tomorrow is the end of the past and the beginning of a future.

Tomorrow the fight is over.

Tomorrow a new fight begins.

Tomorrow I am keeping busy.

Tomorrow I wish tomorrow never came.