Confessions of a Ginger

A day in the life of a ginger


Leave a comment

From Graduand to Graduate

As it approaches a fortnight since I graduated with an upper class degree in Psychology, it came to my attention that I didn’t ever mark the occasion with a blog post. [This partly down to the fact that I am a slave to all things school uniform for the third summer running, and when I’m not, I am sleeping.] Fear not, on a rare day off I have managed to find the time to dedicate a post to what it is like as a graduate!  I have decided to try something a little different and write a poem to sum up my experience.

*Disclaimer – I am in no way shape or form a natural poet!

Graduation Selfie

Graduation 

As I stand there still in line,

Gown all draped and hat just perched,

To myself I whisper,  “You’ll be just fine”

My eyes they scan, as the hall is searched.

I wish and pray that I don’t fall,

The last thing I want is to be the fool;

It’s a long way down to the end of the hall,

Just stay calm, and keep your cool!

My name it echoes all around,

The steps I then begin to climb;

This moment, really quite profound,

A precious moment that will stand still in time.

My hand he shakes, and wishes me well,

I smile and profess my thanks;

*Thank god it wasn’t me that fell!*

As we all return to the ranks.

Graduation

A photo opportunity of course,

Our hats are launched in their mass;

Laughs and screams until we’re hoarse,

An opportunity I’m glad I didn’t pass.

I stand back and take it in,

Astounded at what I have achieved;

Happiness glows , as I wear such a grin.

But above all  just relieved!


Leave a comment

Second Class, Division One

As many of you are aware, this year marked the final year of my undergraduate degree in Psychology. As you can probably tell from my very long stint away from the blogging world, it became an all consuming battle to keep my head above water. Without a doubt it is the hardest thing I have ever done, and my god did it take everything I had.

uni

My life, post dissertation that is, mainly consisted of 10 hours a day sitting at my dining room table (if you could identify it under the reams of paper!) trawling through my notes, hoping, praying and generally begging the information to seep into my skull. It was a rather dismal description of ‘living life’ as I certainly did not have anything that resembled a life, out of the four walls that I call home.

Despite my love of knowledge and learning being a part of me for all my years in education, it has simply never come easy. I always had to work 10x harder to meet my own expectations, that realistically have always been so high. Now don’t get me wrong, I have been elated with the grades that I have previously received, and I can’t complain as they have always got me to where I need/wanted to be, however, I felt that the effort I put in, was never quite reflected with dazzling results. Knowing this, you can only imagine how I felt yesterday when I was walking to get my results.

Now let me describe that fateful walk: My campus is stunning, it is green, home to some spectacular wildlife and a gorgeous trip into university. However, yesterday, raining and miserable, I saw none of that. As I traipsed along the path trying to avoid throwing up and bursting into tears, all I saw was the long winding path that would lead me to my fate (dramatic I know, but nerves just doesn’t describe it). I genuinely felt like I was walking to an execution!

Our grades are posted on a board, with our candidate numbers and grades all aligned. Do you know how difficult it is to distinguish your own number when all start with 2100 and you can barely see for tears! I finally found my number, and to my total disbelief, I had done it! I had bagged myself a 2:1 and could no longer hold back the tears! It has been a roller coaster of a ride, that at many points I have wanted to get off, but it is over and I have jumped that final hurdle, I could not be more happy or relieved. The stress of the last three years have been totally worth it.

Despite academically achieving the dream, the best thing about my university experience is the friends that I have met along the way – the ones who never doubted me. That alone made this experience 100% worthwhile, regardless of my academic outcome!

From undergraduate to postgraduate – let this crazy journey continue!


12 Comments

When adulthood struck….

This week has been crazy and it’s only Tuesday!

On Monday, after narrowly avoiding complete hysteria I bound my dissertation …. I can’t get over how proud I was of essentially a wad of 60 pieces of paper… but there it was, after much blood, sweat and tears it was done – a quarter of my degree bound and unchangeable ….

I thought the moment I handed it in would be full of relief.. but the only emotion I got was dread. Knowing that that was it, it was bound and signed and there was nothing I could do about it! I felt what I can only describe as flappy, all of that hard work for 10 months boils down to 60 pieces of paper!

dissertation

After eventually calming myself down, and getting one of the best nights sleep in a while… I awoke to a graduation invitation …. at that moment reality hit me full force again and I realised that 7 exams were in between me ….and well the real world! I honestly have no idea where these last 3 years have gone and my god has it been a ride… but somehow here I am on the edge of finishing and one final push needed to jump that final hurdle!

To top it all off, I received my DBS check for my PGCE in September… another reality check! All I have ever striven for is to become a teacher… now I am about to achieve that…. NOW WHAT?

Apparently at some point I became old enough for all this to happen!


Leave a comment

Dissertation Doom

I have well and truly sucked at this whole blogging thing, but in my defense, the final year of my psychology undergraduate is taking up all the brain power I have left (which is very little!)

I will now take you through the thoughtful process of thesis writing!!

1. “It’s great that I have a topic that I am really interested in, this is what I came to university for”

This is the blissfully ignorant stage, where you find your ‘passion’ and get to spend 9 months of your life learning everything there is to know about the field that has ignited your love for learning… I would refer to this as the honeymoon stage, because realistically, it is all down hill from here on out!

cone at me

2. “Everything is going wrong, is this what research looks like? How did I ever think this was a good idea!? 

This is the stage when you realise your passion doesn’t equal paradise, in fact it closely resembles one of those recurring nightmares you used to have as a child… apart from you’re awake and it’s real … REALLY REAL. However, you’re still keeping your cool in the lovely little bubble of denial so all is okay(ish).

3. “I have a month left and I still don’t have even half of my participants, what the hell am I going to do!?”

It isn’t until March hits that you begin to panic… you have until now at least, been aware of the computers breaking and the cancellations of participants, but somehow that flip of the calendar brings everything crashing into reality! You have nowhere near enough data to reach power and there are no people or time left to rectify the situation.

dissertation hell

4. “There is no literature to support what I am saying! It actually doesn’t exist!”

This is when shit really starts to hit the fan…. after hours of trawling through journal articles to support a comment you have made in your literature review, you begin to realise maybe said evidence doesn’t exist! Cue, complete new structure of literature review and less words than you had 5 months ago.

5. “NOTHING IS SIGNIFICANT”

If entering the world of statistics wasn’t painful enough, there is nothing more soul destroying than finding no significance in anything you have found. You are explaining correlations that are non existent and stating p values that aren’t even worth reporting…. oh and if you do find something vaguely significant, it will contradict the very little literature you have collected.

insignficant

6. “I’m not happy, I am going to rewrite it again – Dissertation Draft 25”

I don’t think I have ever re written anything more in my life, so much so I could recite the damn thing in my sleep. I say rewriting, most of the time it is copy and pasting the same thing into a new word document.

dissertation

7. “I’m so excited to put it all together!”

The sheer excitement at the prospect of seeing all your hard work in one document is one of the most satisfying feelings, you know the end is in sight and your about to see just how many thousands of words you have written – be proud!

8 “I HATE WORD, WHY WON’T THAT GRAPH GO THERE!?”

The excitement is short lived, when you realise that as you assemble all your hard typed work, Microsoft has a mental breakdown and decides to throw the graph you put on page 39 onto page 2…. shortly followed by your own mental breakdown as you spend hours dragging graphs and headings to where they were originally placed 5 hours ago.

“Be brutal!”

You finally get all the formatting sorted, and it is in a state where it can be distributed to some fresh pair of eyes. The best/worst thing you could tell someone who is proof reading your dissertation is to be brutal …. pride dented and red pen run out, you feel pretty crap about your efforts and start to rethink your intelligence and how you ever got to university in the first place.

proof

10 “It’s taking me as long to edit as it has to write it!”

You then have the pain staking task of trawling through adding commas, deleting full stops, changing phrases… all to keep the grammar police off your back for that final proof read.

11. “NOW MY GRAPHS HAVE MOVED AGAIN”

After feeling pretty accomplishec after making all your amendments, you realise your beautifully formatted pages have now moved AGAIN…. this point is where the laptop nearly makes a bid for freedom out of the window!

12. “YES! PDF COME AT ME”

Your worries about formatting are one of distant memories, as the PDF is firmly stuck and ready for binding!! You’ve made it!

13. “OH NO A SPELLING MISTAKE” 

Just as you think the hell is over, you notice you’ve missed that a out of appendix… but my PDF is uneditable! As you traipse back to your word document, praying the one letter doesn’t throw your formatting off, you hold your breath as it saves for the last time

14. “I’M HERE, I AM ACTUALLY HERE” 

This is your thought process at the binders, you’ve made it with everything on a memory stick ready to be bound into a document you’ve never been happier to get rid of your life!

15 “HOW MUCH!?”

” £20!!! I pay £9,000 a year…. why is this costing me, have I not been put through enough pain, without piling onto my overdraft!

16 “Look how beautiful it is!”

You have never been proud enough of anything more in your life! Blood, sweat and tears have gone into this (literally!) and after stroking the laminated cover several times, you realise that your degree is nearly over!

done!

17. “I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE”

You realise this momentous occasion, also marks the penultimate hurdle of your university career, and you have soon got to go out into the real world, where eating out of saucepans is a thing of the past and disney marathons become a once loved memory

blanket fort

So there we have it… the emotional roller coaster that is thesis writing, the rollercoaster that you can’t wait to get off, until you find yourself begging to stay on!

Bring on those final exams!


Leave a comment

Aims and Ambitions

I’ve never been one to make New Year Resolutions, mainly because I know I will never stick to them, and every crazy gym fad is ten times more expensive in January than any other time of the year!

anti resolution

This year, I’ve decided to start the year as I mean to go on, and take part in Round 2 – Rock Your Life #ProjectPositive by the wonderful Anastasia Amour. It is an Instagram picture challenge, that is almost an anti-resolution. It documents and reminds us to keep a positive outlook for our own well being and to tackle life’s funny ways with a positive outlook. I’m really not sure my explanation has done this project justice at all! So go and check out Anastasia’s page if you’re interested, she does a much better job at selling it than me!

Even though this year is going to be no exception on the Resolution front, there are some pretty big things I have to accomplish this year; and I thought if I wrote them down now, I could use it as a reminder when I’m mid meltdown of why I am putting myself through it all!

Imagine here that I am jumping hurdles (fairly unsuccessfully at times!)

  • HurdlesQualified Teacher Status Literacy and Numeracy Tests
  • Submit Dissertation – Remember, submitting this, means it is time to jet off to Egypt!!
  • Sit 7 Final Exams
  • GRADUATE – Yes this is why you are putting yourself through all this!
  • Start my PGCE – IT HAS TOTALLY BEEN WORTH IT!

Here’s hoping that by September I have crossed all these off and things have gone perfectly to plan! … Pray!

Here is to a Happy, Healthy and Successful Year Ahead

Here


2 Comments

Priorities

 

highlight#

 

Only a fleeting visit on the blogging front today! To let you all know that I’m alive (just!).

My life has become one big metaphorical highlighted mess!

It has got to that point of the year that everything I need to do is a priority… But I have far too many of them to prioritise anything!

Not only am I feeling the heat from a final year psychology degree, I also have PGCE interviews to prepare for and attend .. It all seems a bit ironic to me .. I have to put uni work on the back burner, to prepare something that requires a degree…. Crazy!

Feeling a little bit like an amateur juggler, trying to juggle everything without anything crashing down around me!

I hope to be back soon (in one piece and of sane mind!)
Toodles!


2 Comments

Weekend amnesia

As a psychology student, I know there is no such thing as weekend amnesia, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it should be a ‘thing’ because as I find the weeks passing by (far too quickly!) the weekend is like a holiday for my brain.

My week is filled to the brim with to do lists, and stressing that my to do lists are getting longer and not shorter.. I become so self absorbed trying to complete the ongoing things that I need to write, read, do.. the week passes me without barely noticing! (So much so September and October came and went without me fluttering an eyelid!)

But then the weekend comes, I try my hardest to get everything done in the week, so that my weekend doesn’t become an extension to the weeks, but during this time my brain seems to go on holiday!

Like this weekend for example, I sleep in, I go to run my disabled children session (which is amazing stress relief!) and then go on a pizza and alcohol round trip with the bestie, before returning home for a justdance session! It was perfect, a lazy morning with the bestie the next morning… my brain was fully on vacation … and then BAM… reality reminds me it’s Sunday night (last time I looked it was Friday night!)  and I have a fair bit of work to do before the week starts all over again.

weekend

It still surprises me how easy it is to temporarily forget that I am in my final year of my degree and that I am amist my biggest year of education yet… and that Sunday night hits me like a ton of bricks!

Hopefully touch back down in the blogging world soon, the days just seem to disappear!

Toodles from A very bad blogger!