Anger is one of the most basic human emotions. It is a physical and mental response to a threat or to harm done in the past. Anger takes many different forms from irritation to blinding rage or resentment that festers over many years.
but what does anger really mean?
Being angry means:
- A surge of emotion that crashes like a wave over you, where for that split second you’re not sure of your capabilities
- Emotions that don’t die.. maybe not ever… but certainly not any time soon
- A feeling that can disguise itself as betrayl, hurt or complete and utter resentment
- Resenting yourself for ever falling for the crap you were fed
- A numb feeling that is the worst feeling at all… because you don’t feel anything.
- Reliving every moment to work out what went so wrong
- Feeling responsible for everyone else that they’ve hurt too
- Guilt that you didn’t foresee
- Feeling responsible for their actions
- And then hating them for making you feel like that in the first place
REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT
And then it hits you,… that you have taken on all that feeling that that person inflicted on everyone and suddenly everything is put into perspective … none of this your fault.. it is theirs and no one but there’s … but that’s just the start… you hate them for doing this to you… for playing the victim, for loading you with the responsibility of everything!
In the past year I have taken upon this feeling from two very different perspectives. My own hurt and betrayl and the hurt of betrayl of my closest friend. Journey’s that have pretty much happened side by side, emotions, slipping into one mass emotion of hurt. Perhaps the hardest thing to accept, is not my own hurt (I felt that I had control over that… even though I maybe didn’t) but watching that hurt I have lived through, happen to someone I care about so much, as so much harder than living it myself.
Hate is a very strong word, but I do truly despise of said men … no one deserves what these men have inflicted on those that they have loved, of those that I love.
So as a word of warning to those said men …..
Because I am fed up of being hurt, watch people get hurt and having to live through the ten stages of what it means to be angry on more than one occasion. It may help you to realise, that we are not objects for you to dispose of, we have hearts and feelings… don’t treat us like we don’t!
Oh and P.S
ACTIONS ALWAYS HAVE CONSEQUENCES